


The Road to Marriage is Paved in Memes

by Ninjagirl27



Category: Persona 5
Genre: F/F, Internet Slang, M/M, Marriage Contracts, Students by daylight phantom thieves by moonlight, Wedding Planning, chatfic, everything is ok au
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-26
Updated: 2020-07-27
Packaged: 2021-03-02 20:34:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,966
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24382894
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ninjagirl27/pseuds/Ninjagirl27
Summary: Akira realizes the perks of being married and decides to take Goro down with him. After their announcement, the Group Chat goes wild and now their's a wedding being planned and dresses to try on and oh god this got a bit out of hand. Atleast in Goro's opinion. Oh well, chat's voted and its too late to change their mind.
Relationships: Akechi Goro/Kurusu Akira, Akechi Goro/Persona 5 Protagonist, Minor or Background Relationship(s), Niijima Makoto/Okumura Haru, Suzui Shiho/Takamaki Ann
Comments: 17
Kudos: 210





	1. The Mad Man Actually did It

**Author's Note:**

> Don't think I didn't notice the influx of chatfics in the tag which I don't mind. At all. But now it's my turn to toss my hat in the ring and give it a go. Thanks for joining me for the ride and lets see where it goes.

Goro took silent sips from his cup of coffee as his eyes scanned the pages of his book. He was reading some new mystery novel that he picked up from a local store, his mind already making theories at around a quarter way in. Akira was digging through his school bag, pulling out folders and papers along with Morgana who leapt out. The rustling of papers grated his ears but there wasn’t much he could do. 

“What are you looking for? Didn’t you already do all your work?” Morgana asked.

“It’s something else,” he mumbled with his hands still digging around.

“Maybe you can get Akechi to find it, that’s what Detectives do right?”

He huffed, “I’m sure your leader is more than capable of managing his bag.”

“Got it,” Akira flicked his wrist up and out with added unnecessary flare, holding up a bundle of papers within his hand. 

“What is it?” Morgana got up on his hind legs to get a better look, “show me. I’m curious.”

Akira ignored his pleas, instead he walked to the other side of the counter. “Goro,” he slapped the pages down with a loud smack making him jump , “sign these papers.”

“W-what?” he looked down for a moment, “what is this for.”

“Goro,” he looked him dead in the eye, “as leader I’m ordering you to sign these papers.”

“You can’t do that, it’s a blatant abuse of power. Also, what makes you think I-”

“Sign it,” his voice was stern. The same tone as if they were in the midst of combat. Usually it left no room to argue, but that wouldn’t stop him.

“No,” he spat back. “What even is this? If you’re trying to forge my signature then go ahead and ask.”

Akira leaned in closer, “sign it,” he slid the papers closer. Goro could feel his intense gaze pinned on him, adding further pressure than there was before. He brought the porcelain to his lips and looked away, not wanting to speak any further.

Morgana walked over to the two and placed a paw on the page, “let me see this already.”

He pulled it away, “you can’t. You wouldn’t understand it.”

“Oh for pete sake, just let me see it already,” he shouted. Akira sighed as he relented, letting him get a proper gander at all the legal mumbo jumbo.

“So you let him read it but not the one you’re trying to get to sign it? How clever. How persuasive.”

“It doesn’t matter what it’s for,I just need you to sign it. You’re thinking too much.”

“Look, I know how to navigate the legal minefield of contracts and fine print, so excuse me for being cautious, Akira.”

He crossed his arms, “I just needed someone around my age’s signature. I can just ask-”

“Why do you have a marriage contract?”

Goro’s eyes shot open, his body froze. He brought the cup away from his lips and slowly turned around. Akira looked as casual as ever, his hands tucked in his pockets and that slight slouch to his back, as if Morgana had asked about the weather. He spun his body to face him, setting down his book and resting his lap together. He waited for Akira to look back at him, making direct eye contact he smilied as he said, “why the fuck do you want me to sign this crap? Is this some sort of sick joke?”

“I don’t want to hear this, I'll be upstairs if you need me,” Morgana announced to escape the turmoil.

“Don’t overthink it. I just needed a spouse on paper for tax benefits next year. We don’t have to take it seriously if you want.”

"What?”

“Tax benefits.”

“W-what?”

“Well you know,” he took the seat next to Goro, “for one, since you’re the one with a stable income and I don’t, our combined tax is going to be way lower. Plus, we only have to return one tax file instead of two. Think of all the money we’ll save, that’s the best way to rebel against society.”

“Without outright evading taxes?”

“You do get it,” he smiled as he leaned in closer, “ These little loopholes in the workings of society is how we’ll truly tear it down.”

“As opposed to the heart changing missions we go on daily?”

“Exactly. Think about it. Our money is the blood that keeps this joke of a system alive, the less we participate the less power it has over us.”

“Right... and you’re sure that, oh I don’t know, the literal physical embodiment of deleting distortion and corruption through the cognitive world does _less_ than saving money?”

“This is why I love you cause that’s exactly what I’m saying,” he yoinked the paper of the desk and shoved it up to Goro’s face, “now sign it.”

“Where did you even get such an asinine idea? I can take a guess but honestly it’d be less interesting than the truth coming from you.”

“Honestly, it was from my teacher. Complained about being single and paying bills then she mentioned something about “the perks of being married” so then I got curious. One sleepless night google search later and here we are.”

Goro stayed silent as the man he was smitten with explained the rabbit hole that led them to being on the verge of matrimony. He pressed his hands flat together and brought them to his face before softly inhaling and closing his eyes. Akira could watch in real time the words he just said process in his mind as his face scrunched up, clearly baffled by what he heard. In one swift motion he swung his hands down and pointed at the leader, “what in the world gave you the bright idea that out of anyone in our little rag tag group would be ok with this? Are you stupid? Are you truly the brains of our teams because I’m struggling to find any right now.”

Akira couldn’t hold back his laughter, letting his voice bubble out into the cafe as he placed the paper down again. Goro continued to stare at him, his hands still clasped together. “Ouch, that one kind of hurt. Also I have my reasons to ask you.”

“What could that possibly be?”

“I’ll tell you,” he pulled out a pen, “after you sign it.”

“Akira, we aren’t even old enough for this to be official, let alone gain these so called tax benefits.”

“Imagine this like a promise. A promise to one up society with me.”

“How romantic,” Goro rolled his eyes as he finished the last of his drink, “well would you look at the time. I’ll be off now. Go ask someone else to marry you, good luck.”

Goro stood up but Akira grabbed his wrists, “wait don’t go. You need to sign it first.”

“God, it’s not like I’m the only person you can ask. Doesn’t anyone else want your hand?”

“NO, you’re the only one Goro. Please, I’m begging you.”

“What do you mean? Any other thief would do the trick just fine, right? You just need someone around your age to sign so go ask Ryuji or something. This sounds right down his alley doesn’t it?”

“You don’t get it, I need someone who won’t get in a relationship anytime soon. Ryuji’s still looking for dates, Ann’s with Shiho, Yusuke is already committed to art, Makoto and Haru have a thing going on I think, Futaba is Futaba, and Kasumi’s in a nebulous void that I can’t distinguish. And I know you aren’t going out anytime soon cause you aren’t the type. So it has to be you.”

“So, I don’t care about your plight. Find someone else, they aren’t the only people in the world.” He yanked his arm away and pulled back, “besides what if I do find a relationship later down the line? Then your incredible plan all goes to shit.”

“But Goroooo,” he whined, “it's not the same if it isn’t you.” He clutched his waist to hold him in place, “please sign it. I need you.”

“The way you go from commanding to begging is quite endearing but,” he pried the boy off him, “that’s not going to work this time.”

“But-but who else will commit underhanded crimes with me. Goro, I need an accomplice.” 

“Please, find someone else,” he said through gritted teeth, “I don’t want any part of it.” He spun around and took a step towards the door but the hands that pulled on his arms told him otherwise. He sighed as he turned around, knowing full well of the familiar sight that would greet him. 

“Goroo,” he pleaded through glassy eyes and a pained expression. Goro could feel his arm tingle as Akira squeezed tighter and tighter like a snake. He looked far too similar to that crying cat photo for comfort, tugging at all the right strings to make his cold dead heart ache more than usual. He tilted his head to the side, adding to the already heartwrenching sight, “please sign it,”his voice trembled. 

The moment he registered the whole picture, he knew his fate was sealed. He could feel his body tense up, the urge to fight against the lure flowed through his body. Instead he groaned, let his body relax, and closed his eyes. “Just hand me the fucking pen already.”

**9 Rats One Bus**

**Friday at 10:48 pm**

  
  


**Be Crime Do Gay:** [ guesswhosgettingmarriedlmao.png ](https://twitter.com/Ninjagirlrocke1/status/1265127793500667907)

**Be Crime Do Gay:** this is for all the nay sayers and harlots who doubted me 

**Inkling Kin:** holy shit joker did it lmfao

 **Shark Tale:** bro i thought u were joking what the heck

 **Shark Tale:** damm guess i’m not getting those benefits huh

 **Be Crime Do Gay:** this could have been us but you be playing Smh

 **Inkling Kin:** i should update my sims characters then huh

 **Shark Tale:** bro

 **Inkling Kin:** also i could hear what went down and i can’t stop laughing

 **Be Crime Do Gay:** i thought you were bae, turns out you’re just fam

 **Be Crime Do Gay:** futaba plz send 

**Shark Tale:** stop you re killing me bro

 **Shark Tale:** i call dibs on best man btw

 **Vroom Vroom :** What did I come back too?

 **Vroom Vroom:** In the few hours I was gone you went out and got hitched.

 **Be Crime Do Gay:** ye

 **Vroom Vroom:** With Goro no less.

 **Be Crime Do Gay:** ye

 **Vroom Vroom** : How did that happen?

 **Inkling Kin:** by being a little binch

 **Will Peck You to Death:** Akira abused his leader position and forced me to sign against my will

 **Will Peck You to Death** : He’s become a tyrant

 **Inkling Kin:** i won’t stand for dis

 **Shark Tale:** what the h

 **Inkling Kin:** VIVA LA REVOLUTION

 **Be Crime Do Gay:** you have no power over me

 **Be Crime Do Gay:** watch this

 **Be Crime Do Gay** changed their nickname to **Assene Lupin**

 **Will Peck You to Death:** oh boy

 **Assene Lupin** changed **Will Peck You to Death** to **Sherlock Gnomes**

 **Sherlock Gnomes:** Why do you want me to suffer?

 **Inkling Kin:** ewwwwwwwwwww

 **Shark Tale:** bro stop

 **Sherlock Gnomes** : What have i done to deserve this?

 **Vroom Vroom:** Though I don’t agree with Akira’s use of power.

 **Vroom Vroom:** It’s pretty funny.

 **Inkling Kin:** i had 2 read that with my own two poorly functional e yes

 **Lobster Lord:** I’m confused. Though I understand the literary reference, why is everyone adverse to the name?

 **Shark Tale:** you don t want to know dude

 **Inkling Kin:** inari is uncultured confirmed

 **Sherlock Gnomes:** Please change it to something else

 **Assene Lupin:** y bby 

**Assene Lupin:** don’t you want to be my rival

 **Vroom Vroom:** Why don’t you change it yourself?

 **Sherlock Gnomes:** I don’t care what it is

 **Inkling Kin:** i got chu hold up

 **Sherlock Gnomes:** I just don’t want it to be this

 **Assene Lupin:** we have to match cause we’re a couple now

 **Assene Lupin:** *smooch*

 **Shark Tale:** no PDA in chat bro

 **Assene Lupin:** i do what i want

 **Lobster Lord:** I think it’d be quite nice if your names are a pair.

 **Lobster Lord:** Congratulations on your engagement Akira and Goro.

 **Sherlock Gnomes** : It's not official

 **Assene Lupin:** thx Yusuke!!!!!

 **Assene Lupin:** my next command as your esteemed overlord is to help me plan our wedding

 **Grenades and Girlz:** did I just read “wedding”?

 **Assene Lupin:** yeah you did

 **Grenades and Girlz:** may I help plan?

 **Assene Lupin** : yes plz idk how to myself 

**Grenades and Girlz:** I’ve always wanted to get some practice in before I plan my own ;)

 **Grenades and Girlz:** I can get a nice venue with an amazing view in a heartbeat too

 **Inkling Kin** changed **Sherlock Gnomes** to **Blink Twice for Help**

 **Inkling Kin:** plz save him from the tyrant

 **Blink Twice for Help:** This works

 **Assene Lupin** : wait no im going to change it

 **Blink Twice for Help:** Go ahead

 **Inkling Kin:** don’t u dare

 **Assene Lupin** changed **Blink Twice for Help** to **Unwilling Accomplice**

 **Unwilling Accomplice:** This works

 **Inkling Kin** : this works

 **Lobster Lord:** This works.

 **Assene Lupin:** best of both worldz

 **Shark Tale:** no mo name changing dudes

 **Cats- The Good One:** you guys r blowing up my phone rn what the heck is going down

 **Assene Lupin:** i just beat you to the punch so you better keep up the pace

 **Cats- The Good One:** oh wait I just read what Makoto said

 **Cats- The Good One:** I CANT BELIEVE YOU GOT MARRIED BEFORE I DID AKIRA

 **Assene Lupin:** lololololol sorry not sorry :p

 **Cats- The Good One:** and you don't even have a boyfriend yet >:(

 **Assene Lupin:** oh yea

 **Assene Lupin:** _@Unwilling Accomplice_

 **Unwilling Accomplice:** no

 **Assene Lupin:** :(

 **Cats- The Good One** : atleast I have a boo

 **Assene Lupin:** imma straight up cry

 **Shark Tale:** yo ill always be here for you get over here

 **Assene Lupin:** ty, you're the only one who understands Ryuji

 **Shark Tale:** its whats homies r for 

**Cat- The Good One:** so what kind of wedding do u want?

 **Assene Lupin:** i want it to be detective/phantom thief themed cause that’s our aesthetic

 **Inkling Kin:** omg and they were narrative foils

 **Vroom Vroom:** Oh my god they were Narrative foils.

 **Unwilling Accomplice:** don’t think too hard about it

 **Lobster Lord:** I think you two are “two sides of the same coin” so having some contrast in your venue would work wonderfully.

 **Assene Lupin:** omg u rite

 **Assene Lupin:** Haru n Yusuke plz work together to plan and decorate

 **Assene Lupin:** your tyrant has spoken

 **Lobster Lord:** I can agree with these terms as long as I have the supplies.

 **Vroom Vroom:** This is such a violation of your leadership rights.

 **Grenades and Girlz:** what’s your budget? I can help pitch in as well since we’re all friends

 **Grenades and Girlz:** oh I just found a really gorgeous local hold up

 **Unwilling Accomplice:** The budget is zero dollars

 **Lobster Lord:** That certainly isn’t enough to get any of my ideas into the real world.

 **Lobster Lord:** Please reconsider, it’s vital that I can afford to make our vision come true.

 **Assene Lupin:** don’t listen to him

 **Assene Lupin:** also thx you for the offer Haru but you don’t understand

 **Assene Lupin:** im mc fricken loaded cuz Mementos is actually broken

 **Unwilling Accomplice:** Oh? 

**Assene Lupin:** money isn’t a problem for me, i just don’t want to give it to the stinky government lololol

 **Cats- The Good One:** thats our Akira

 **Shark Tale:** is that y u always buy our gear n shit

 **Assene Lupin** : the economy is a joke and i m the clown

 **Vroom Vroom:** That’s how you always managed to afford everything even though you’ve dropped most of your part-time jobs.

 **Unwilling Accomplice:** And I thought you picked me because I have money and a job

 **Assene Lupin:** yeah, mysterious cognition money can’t really be taxed

 **Assene Lupin:** the less you pay to the government the more i win overall

 **Unwilling Accomplice:** So I’m just another pawn in your scheme

 **Assene Lupin:** NO Goro you’re my partner in crime and holy matrimony

 **Assene Lupin:** you’re getting all of the benefits and a free wedding

 **Assene Lupin:** since im balling and paying for erthing 

**Unwilling Accomplice:** If I don’t have to monetarily contribute to this farce then do as you please

 **Inkling Kin:** chocolate fountain or im not going

 **Inkling Kin:** also how many people r going cause dats another factor

 **Assene Lupin:** i imagine a small wedding with just us, boss, and Sae

 **Vroom Vroom:** I bet my sister would have many questions with this situation.

 **Assene Lupin:** then when I hit the legal age to really tie the knot we go all out

 **Unwilling Accomplice:** Oh so you do recognize the invalidity of this union

 **Cats- The Good One:** omg TWO weddings?!?

 **Inkling Kin:** shut up bird brain i want a chocolate fountain

 **Assene Lupin:** yeeeeeaaaaa boiiiiiii

 **Shark Tale:** bro how big do u want to go next time?

 **Assene Lupin:** as big as my bank account will allow

 **Grenades and Girlz:** that sounds wonderful Akira. I better plan the other one too <3

 **Assene Lupin:** of course Haru i trust no one else

 **Assene Lupin:** anyways we need to assign roles and jobs and stuff

 **Assene Lupin:** Morgana is going to be the ring bearer and they will be ring pops

 **Vroom Vroom:** Why?

 **Cats- The Good One:** that’s so sweet

 **Assene Lupin:** only the finest jewels for my dear sweet prince <3

 **Unwilling Accomplice:** I will bite and break both of them

 **Unwilling Accomplice:** Then spit them back into your face

 **Shark Tale:** BRO

 **Grenades and Girlz:** Goro that would ruin the moment :(

 **Vroom Vroom:** Wouldn’t that break your teeth?

 **Assene Lupin:** I can’t wait ;)

 **Inkling Kin:** ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

 **Shark Tale:** BRO WHAt

 **Cats- The Good One:** Akira plz stop im begging you to stop

 **Lobster Lord:** This is very confusing.

 **Unwilling Accomplice:** Then I will bite you until you bleed

 **Vroom Vroom:** I doubt you could actually follow through with your threats.

 **Assene Lupin:** wouldn’t be the first time im ready bby

 **Assene Lupin:** (>3o) ~<3

 **Vroom Vroom:** What?

 **Shark Tale:** what?!?!?!?!

 **Cats- The Good One:** what!

 **Inkling Kin-** lol

 **Grenades and Girlz:** Excuse me?

 **Lobster Lord:** Ah now I get it

 **Lobster Lord:** Also, what?

 **Unwilling Accomplice:** I’m going to sleep early tonight in hopes I forget that this exchange ever happened

 **Unwilling Accomplice:** But knowing my luck this will haunt me forever

 **Unwilling Accomplice:** Night

 **Assene Lupin:** I hope ill be in your dreams~

 **Vroom Vroom:** Oh no, Goro you come back here and explain yourself immediately.

 **Cats- The Good One:** yeah i need details boi

 **Shark Tale:** i dont want to talk about this anymore guys can we please drop ittt

 **Inkling Kin:** and hes offline already >:( 

**Inkling Kin:** what a coward

 **Grenades and Girlz:** aw, what a cliffhanger. Now I’m curious.

 **Lobster Lord:** I would ask you but I doubt anything you say would be credible.

 **Assene Lupin:** i tried to pet him while he was angry then he bit me

 **Inkling Kin:** press x 2 doubt

 **Assene Lupin:** idk why ya’ll doubt me just ask Kasumi

 **Inkling Kin:** @ _twirly whirly_

 **Grenades and Girlz:** @ _twirly whirly_

 **Shark Tale:** @ _twirly whirly_

 **Vroom Vroom:** Wait, doesn’t she have a competition today?

 **Shark Tale:** oh crap

 **Inkling Kin:** i don’t care @ _twirly whirly_

 **Assene Lupin:** hey watch this

 **Inkling Kin:** not again

 **Assene Lupin:** @ _twirly whirly_

 **twirly whirly:** what’s up?

 **Cats-The Good One:** bias much jkjk

 **twirly whirly:** sorry I was training and my phone was in my bag

 **Grenades and Girlz:** Oh don’t worry about it. We just wanted to ask you about something.

 **twirly whirly:** before you do can anyone tell me what happend?

 **Assene Lupin:** local clown gets engaged to sewer rat and everyone is invited

 **Assene Lupin:** also you want to be flower girl or wut?

 **Cats-The Good One:** love is in the air

 **Vroom Vroom:** Akira said Goro has already bitten him once before and we’re just curious on how that played out.

 **twirly whirly:** oh yeah that was a very interesting day

 **Cats- The Good One** : gotta give us the deets 

**Lobster Lord:** I am also curious.

 **twirly whirly:** oh idk if I should put Goro on blast just yet lol

 **Inkling Kin:** do it 

**Shark Tale** : bro hes sleepin right now dont worry

 **Assene Lupin:** as your dictator i demand you to back me up

 **twirly whirly:** well i can’t argue with that lol

 **twirly whirly:** let me find the video so it might take awhile

 **Grenades and Girlz:** don’t worry take your time :D

 **twirly whirly:** thanks ill be right back

 **Vroom Vroom:** Why were you recording?

 **Assene Lupin:** we were about to scare him awake and save his reaction but the boi bucking bit me

 **Shark Tale:** rude i would never do that

 **Cats- The Good One** : sorry to Goro but im different

 **Inkling Kin:** im not like other sharp toothed boys

 **Shark Tale:** man cut it out

 **Shark Tale:** i just don’t get how Goro can be all

 **Shark Tale:** oh ive awakened from my deep slumber time to CHOMP 

**Inkling Kin:** sdfsfdsfdsf 

**Cats- The Good One:** accurate lol

 **Assene Lupin:** stop bullying him it's just his instincts

 **Lobster Lord:** Goro isn’t an animal, but that might not be the same for his brain.

 **Inkling Kin:** oof sick burn better call the wambulance

 **Assene Lupin:** you guys cant kill my hubby before we get married :(

 **twirly whirly:** got it! ouchiwouwchi.mp4

 **Inkling Kin:** that sure is a file name

 **Assene Lupin:** aw he’s so cute 

**Shark Tale:** christ almighty that was horrifying

 **Cats- The Good One:** that was like watching a rabid dog maul my friend

 **twirly whirly:** oh gosh my scream is a bit loud

 **twirly whirly:** sorry about that. I should have gave a warning

 **Lobster Lord:** It adds to the entertainment factor, I don’t mind.

 **Vroom Vroom:** I should be shocked by Akira’s nonchalantness but at this point I’m used to this.

 **Vroom Vroom:** Also how is anything in this video cute?

 **Grenades and Girlz:** i think the the bloodlust in his eyes is precious 

**Assene Lupin:** thank you for your validation, Haru

 **Inkling Kin:** fricking “oh shit im bleeding” killed me dshfsjdfks

 **Shark Tale:** goro was fricking snarling and growling like 

**Shark Tale:** is that even real?

 **Cats- The Good One:** y u start with “watch out for the pancakes”? did u have a death wish?

 **Grenades and Girlz:** when did this even happen, Akira

 **Grenades and Girlz:** did you atleast get that cleaned up and patched up?

 **Assene Lupin:** uhhhhhhh Kasumi help

 **twirly whirly:** he went to his shady doctor and was fine don’t worry

 **twirly whirly:** she thought he was attacked by a police dog too

 **Lobster Lord** : It's hard to deny the resemblance so I understand her assumption.

 **Cats- The Good One:** she wouldn’t be technically wrong lolol

 **Vroom Vroom:** Oh my god why didn’t you tell us?

 **Assene Lupin:** i didnt want to embarrass him lol

 **Assene Lupin:** i think i have a light scar still

 **Shark Tale:** atleast u have an epic story to tell

 **Shark Tale:** “haha yeah my kinda husband bit me and i didn’t get rabies”

 **Inkling Kin:** that’s a pretty weak achievement tbh

 **Assene Lupin:** lets start planning tomorrow since the chat got pretty off track and Kasumi wasn’t here

 **twirly whirly:** my bad ill pay more attention next time

 **Grenades and Girlz:** don’t worry. Nothing is set in stone. Yet

 **Shark Tale:** now im getting kinda hype for this 

**Cats- The Good One:** same tbh i have to plan my outfit now

 **Vroom Vroom:** It’ll be very interesting how things turn out so count me excited.

 **Lobster Lord:** I too am very ecstatic for the opportunity to design a space fit for two kings.

 **twirly whirly:** this’ll be my very first wedding let alone planning one!

 **Inking Kin:** ditto

 **Grenades and Girlz:** ah, i think ill be planning for the rest of the night im so excited.

 **Assene Lupin:** hey i found the picture of my bitten bleeding hand lol

 **Assene Lupin:** wanna see

 **Inkling Kin:** cancelled

 **Cats- The Good One:** im begging you not to

 **Shark Tale:** BRo stOp

 **twirly whirly:** no thanks

 **twirly whirly:** i don’t need to see it again

 **Vroom Vroom:** Akira

 **Grenades and Girlz** : Akira please

 **Lobster Lord:** Sure

 **Vroom Vroom:** Yusuke.


	2. The Ball Starts Rolling and It Don't Stop Rolling

**9 Rats One Bus**

**Saturday at 8:27 am**

**Assene Lupin** changed the chat name to **9 Rats One Wedding**

**Assene Lupin:** ok at first all this wedding talk was a joke but now i cant stop thinking bout it

 **Inkling Kin:** my expectations r real high so it better be not trash

 **Grenades and Girlz:** oh my I’ve been thinking the same thing Akira

 **Grenades and Girlz:** my planner is on the verge of exploding. It’s about as heavy as my axe head.

 **Assene Lupin:** oh my dat boi be thicc

 **Inkling Kin:** carrying that around give +3 strength while equipped

 **Grenades and Girlz:** I’ll able carry Makoto by the end of the the week 

**Assene Lupin:** carry me too plz

 **Inkling Kin:** me 2 plz

 **Grenades and Girlz:** give me about two weeks

 **Unwilling Accomplice:** That could make for a great bludgeoning weapon

 **Assene Lupin:** Haru im begging u plz don’t bring it to our ceremony

 **Grenades and Girlz:** Goro if you ruin all my planing I will use this book on you

 **Unwilling Accomplice:** Understandable, I will try to restrain myself on said day

 **Inkling Kin:** haru has tamed da beast

 **Assene Lupin:** hurrah thanky you plant mom ily

 **Grenades and Girlz:** i love you too my child

 **Unwilling Accomplice:** I’m surprised that you all are taking any of this seriously

 **Assene Lupin:** y

 **Unwilling Accomplice:** It seems like a waste of time to me

 **Grenades and Girlz:** celebrating love is never a waste, Goro >:(

 **Inkling Kin:** u failed haru s vibe check

 **Cats-The Good One:** oh i just got the bad vibes too

 **Unwilling Accomplice:** I mean Akira already has my signature so he can evade taxes so

 **Assene Lupin** : it's the principle of the matter

 **Cats-The Good One:** just shutup and accept the wedding!!!!

 **Unwilling Accomplice:** I just feel guilty

 **Unwilling Accomplice:** That's all

 **Inkling Kin:** wut bout Akira he printed the paper and erthing

 **Unwilling Accomplice:** He can party on his own can’t he?

 **Assene Lupin:** no i cant

 **Cats-The Good One:** u don’t celebrate often do you

 **Unwilling Accomplice:** I’ve never had anything to celebrate

 **Assene Lupin:** D: we better change that soon

 **Inkling Kin:** oof

 **Cats-The Good One:** but now u do boi 

**Grenades and Girlz:** you _will_ celebrate your wedding 

**Grendes and Girlz:** you _will_ have a good time

 **twirly whirly:** hey im online without someone calling me in lol

 **twirly whirly:** Also you better promise me you won’t be a runaway bride

 **Cats- The Good One:** omg if you do ill never forgive you 

**Assene Lupin:** i need you Goro

 **Assene Lupin:** blease dont run away from my love

 **Unwilling Accomplice:** Your affection is sickening

 **Unwilling Accomplice:** Still I will take your offer and attend

 **Assene Lupin:** oh thank christ it wouldn’t be the same w/out you

 **Grenades and Girlz:** of course you would. I would have made it so.<3

 **Unwilling Accomplice:** I don’t doubt you, Haru

 **twirly whirly:** yay I hope we have lots of fun

 **Unwilling Accomplice** : I guess I better iron out the suit

 **Assene Lupin:** you have a suit?

 **Cats-The Good One:** ohhhhh mr.fancy

 **twirly whirly:** what color?

 **Inkling Kin:** of course he had one

 **Unwilling Accomplice:** Its white

 **Assene Lupin:** AWOOOGA

 **Inkling Kin:** pfffftttt of course it white

 **Unwilling Accomplice:** You know me so well

 **Inkling Kin:** predictable *scoff* pathetic

 **Unwilling Accomplice:** Like I said you know me _so so_ well

 **twirly whirly:** it's just your style I approve

 **twirly whirly:** :thumbsup:

 **Cats-The Good One** : most things will look good on u tbh

 **Cats-The Good One:** your looks r pretty flexible

 **twirly whirly:** its that detective prince charm ™

 **Assene Lupin:** i think most things look good off you

 **Inkling Kin:** akira is h-word

 **twirly whirly:** h-word?

 **Inkling Kin:** ur 2 pure 2 taint

 **Cats-The Good One:** omg wut Akira gonna wear?????

 **Assene Lupin:** a black wedding dress duh

 **Cats-The Good One:** yes yes yes

 **twirly whirly:** ohhhhh i can see that

 **Grenades and Girlz:** that would fit wonderfully for the theme!

 **Unwilling Accomplice:** That sounds lovely

 **Cats-The Good One** : wait do u even have one?

 **Assene Lupin:** not yet but we can go get one

 **Cats-The Good One:** hold up dresses take like months in advance to tailor

 **Assene Lupin:** oop

 **twirly whirly:** thats not good 

**Grenades and Girlz:** don’t worry. I can get you a personal tailor after you pick out a dress

 **Unwilling Accomplice:** Congrats, your lack of foresight hasn’t ruined everything yet

 **Assene Lupin:** yet

 **Inkling Kin** : yeet

 **Cats-The Good One:** lets go find you a dress later today

 **Assene Lupin:** im down to clown

 **Inkling Kin:** imma pass

 **twirly whirly:** id love to go shopping too, if you don’t mind

 **Assene Lupin:** you have to, you have no choice in the matter

 **Cats-The Good One** : of course we wouldn’t mind, we need you too

 **Assene Lupin:** bridesmaid outfits guys

 **Cats-The Good One:** agfdahdj omg yeah!!!!!

 **twirly whirly:** ah i can’t wait

 **Grenades and Girlz:** i’m required to come as well 

**Grenades and Girlz:** to coordinate outfits and such

 **Grenades and Girlz:** @ _Unwilling Accomplice_ please send me a photo of your suit immediately

 **Unwilling Accomplice:** Yes ma’am

 **Inkling Kin:** im gonna wear my pjs and a tie and be da best bridesmaid

 **Cats-The Good One** : oh boy

 **Assene Lupin:** wut color?

 **Inkling Kin** : all of them

 **Assene Lupin:** proceed

 **Inkling Kin:** don’t tell me wut 2 do

 **Assene Lupin:** i am ur tyrant bend to my will

 **Unwilling Accomplice:** *blink blink*

 **Grenades and Girlz:** oh no

 **twirly whirly:** oh no

Goro tossed his phone back onto his plush bed and let out a weak chuckle. There was only so much chao he could handle in the morning, let alone seconds after waking up. After peeling himself out of his warm blankets, he stumbled towards his closet with one mission in mind. Flinging the door open, his eyes scanned through the plethora of gray and brown coats, past the sizable collection of Featherman shirts, and focused on the forgotten few in the back. What ancient relics lie beneath the sea of neutral tones had been long forgotten, a mystery for the great detective to unravel. Shoving aside his usual attire, his eyes landed on the strange bundle of colors tucked all the way in the furthest corner.

His natural curiosity got the better of him, his hand already pulling each article of clothing one by one. He tossed them on his bed and laid them out flat, watching the array of colors turn his sheets from red to anything but. As he pulled the forgotten memories out from storage and into the limelight his hand grazed one of the softest fabrics he didn’t know he had. As the tacky gold foil stars came into view, the memories hit him right in the forehead. In one glorious moment of clarity, the mysterious origins of all the forgotten outfits came to light. His cheeks burned as he dropped the red hoodie to the floor, feeling second hand embarrassment from his own past self. 

“Fucking, Akira,” he mumbled as he looked at his bed. As he connected the dots together his mind filled in the blanks of their story. “I better return these soon.” His hands returned to rummaging through the forest of fabrics in search of his trusty formal suit. He’d worn it to high class parties from time to time back when he had to manage his public image. Though black was the defalt most fell into, he was never the type to rest in the status quo. White had always been his preference for as long as he could remember, from the heros on tv to simple color choices. There would always be those who tease his “tacky” decisions but honestly he didn’t care much. In fact he was finding it hard to care at all. 

Every time he’d let himself get even a little excited at the idea of having a mock wedding, his head would chant ‘this means nothing, get over yourself’ without hesitation. It really damperd his mood as he went back to look for his party outfit. Trying to find the will to keep up the search got harder and harder as his inner monologue took over, how nice. “Where the fuck is it?” he muttered as he grabbed some of the hangers and pulled them off the rack with a bit more force than he needed. He tossed the coats to the floor and grumbled, “why do I even give a shit.” He stepped back from his closet and fell right back onto his bed, tempted to give up right then and there. He glanced at his phone, a reminder of the fate that awaited him if he didn’t bow to Haru’s demands, and sighed. He knew the long and ardous search ahead of him was unavoidable, all for a stupid party he struggled to find any reason to take seriously. Still he wanted to have a little fun and play pretend with their love charade. 

**9 Rats One Wedding**

**Saturday at 1:48 pm**

**Shark Tale:** oh shit I just woke up wut did i miss?

 **Assene Lupin:** u wanna come shop for a dress w/ us

 **Shark Tale:** bro duh don’t even ask

 **Shark Tale:** ur gonna need a dudes insight too

 **Shark Tale:** when tho?

 **Assene Lupin:** uh idk 3 or something

 **Assene Lupin:** we’ll met up a LeBlanc then we’ll go out

 **Shark Tale:** sweet ill be there

 **Shark Tale:** in the meantime wats up wit the bad vibes from earlier

 **Grendes and Girlz:** Goro had second thoughts about celebrating because he feels like he doesn’t deserve it

 **Shark Tale:** >:l

 **Grenades and Girlz:** my thoughts exactly

 **Shark Tale:** man i swear to god im going to go to his apartment rn and make him feel appreciated if he keeps this up

 **Assene Lupin:** you have my blessing

 **Shark Tale:** thx

 **Grenades and Girlz:** I may have to come along as well 

**Shark Tale:** yeah if its both of us then he ll have to accept our love

 **Shark Tale:** thats just what homies do

 **Vroom Vroom:** Are you threatening to give Goro affection?

 **Shark Tale:** duh

 **Vroom Vroom:** I just wanted to make sure I understood.

 **Grenades and Girlz:** its the only way we know how

 **Vroom Vroom:** I know. 

**Vroom Vroom:** He’s very stubborn when it comes to things like this.

 **Shark Tale:** I know rite!

 **Shark Tale:** makes me so effin angry when hes like dat

 **Grenades and Girlz:** don’t worry. We’ll break him eventually

 **Assene Lupin:** aggressive affection

 **Vroom Vroom:** If that’s what it comes to then I guess I’ll have to help.

 **Grenades and Girlz:** with our powers combined we can do anything!

 **Shark Tale:** alright!

 **Shark Tale:** next time Goro goes all

 **Shark Tale:** “ohhhh i don’t deserve love wah wah” we will beat it into him

 **Grenades and Girlz** : I promise to be there when you call

 **Vroom Vroom:** I promise to tag along too.

 **Assene Lupin:** idk if i should be concerned w/ the threats on my future husband’s life

 **Assene Lupin:** but i love ya’ll so i trust you won’t demolish him

 **Grenades and Girlz:** I will try to hold back >:3c

 **Shark Tale** : depends on the shit he says 

**Assene Lupin:** oh i just remembered

 **Assene Lupin:** Makoto do u wanna to dress hunting later?

 **Assene Lupin:** also u invite ur sister yet?

 **Vroom Vroom:** I’m busy today so I won’t be able to join you. Sorry.

 **Assene Lupin:** aw, tis fine tho

 **Vroom Vroom:** I haven’t asked her yet but I will when she comes back from work.

 **Assene Lupin:** epic

 **Shark Tale:** not to be rude but y do you want her to come?

 **Assene Lupin:** 1\. She’s very nice and kool

 **Assene Lupin:** 2\. She’s Makoto’s sister so yeah

 **Assene Lupin:** 3\. She’s Goro’s work mom 

**Shark Tale:** u rite

 **Shark Tale:** dang Makoto, y do u get two siblings??

 **Vroom Vroom:** I’m the so-called “Phantom Mom” so I think I've earned the right.

 **Assene Lupin:** and Haru is “plant Mom” so we’re one big gay family

 **Shark Tale:** hell yeah

 **Vroom Vroom:** Haru and I are here to make sure the team doesn’t fall apart.

 **Grenades and Girlz:** that’s what makes us a great team!

 **Vroom Vroom:** <3

 **Grenades and Girlz:** <3

 **Assene Lupin:** :eyes:

 **Shark Tale:** :eyes:

 **Lobster Lord:** What are we looking at?

 **Assene Lupin:** the girls are smoochin again

 **Vroom Vroom:** So?

 **Grenades and Girlz:** we’re gay, keep scrolling please

 **Shark Tale:** you heard the ladies, let's get going

 **Assene Lupin:** eye eye captain 

**Lobster Lord:** Such a shame, but I will be off.

 **Assene Lupin:** gonna rob a bank to get ready to dress shop

 **Vroom Vroom** : Akira.

 **Assene Lupin:** my bank account

 **Vroom Vroom:** Thin Ice.

 **Assene Lupin:** wait Yusuke, want to go dress shopping?

 **Lobster Lord:** Although that sounds lovely, I’ve just been struck with inspiration for the ceremony and I must illustrate my ideas before they escape me. Thank you for your offer.

 **Assene Lupin:** dats ok, can’t wait to see your stuff

 **Lobster Lord:** Indeed.

 **Vroom Vroom:** Are they gone?

 **Vroom Vroom:** Finally, some privacy.

 **Grenades and Girlz:** :D 

**Vroom Vroom:** *smooch*

**9 Rats One Wedding**

**Saturday at 4:52 pm**

**twirly whirly:** [jokerhadtodoittoem.png](https://twitter.com/Ninjagirlrocke1/status/1269858614434394112?s=20)

 **twirly whirly:** _@Unwilling Accomplice_ are your ready?

 **Lobster Lord:** You look exquisite, Akira.

 **Vroom Vroom:** Wow, I don’t know what I expected but this is on the dot.

 **Inkling Kin:** no tiddies goth husband

 **Unwilling Accomplice:** Oh

 **Unwilling Accomplice:** Oh my~


	3. My Mod Powers, Gone Forever!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the hiatus between updates, i got distracted by other fic ideas that haven't pan out yet so yeah. Anyways, enjoy the chaos and don't forget to click that pesky .png :)

Goro looked at his clock for the fifth time in the past three hours, his closet bare and his arms completely exhausted. His room looked as if a tornado had ravaged his clothes and nothing else, cloth replaced whatever his floor used to look like. In its place, a cacophony of fabrics and color from the hive of coats to ancient featherman tee-shirts decorated the ground. Despite the entire expanse of his wardrobe out on display, his old suit was nowhere in sight and his diligent search was all for nothing. As he stared at the sad state his room was in, he sighed and tossed himself on his bed which also housed his winter coats. He could feel the plastic buttons jab at his body but he couldn’t bring himself to care. He clenched his fist and pounded it against his mattress, letting out a grunt which was muffled by his pillow. 

He could already imagine the faux simile hiding the fire in Haru’s eye as she waited for the photo he promised her, a signature sign of disappointment that he’d seen far too often. He’d learned many times before that she was not someone he could piss off and get away scott free which ,rightfully so, sparked some fear within him. As he ran his fingers through his bangs he hissed, “I don’t have the fucking time for this bullshit.” The urge to kick the nearest object was cut short by the timer on his phone going off, the familiar six note tune sending him into panic. After spitting out a slew of curses, Goro darted out of his apartment and hopped onto his bike with adrenaline running through his veins and fire in his eyes. 

**9 Rats One Wedding**

**Saturday at 7:28 pm**

**Assene Lupin:** dress shopping took way longer than i thought

 **Assene Lupin:** but dayum i look good

 **Cats- The Good One:** u really do

 **Assene Lupin:** im coming for ur job and ur wig 

**Cats- The Good One:** hey stay in ur lane 

**Assene Lupin:** the runway isnt big enough for da both of us

 **Cats- The Good One:** then get off the stage <3

 **Inkling Kin:** ew go stroke ur ego in private stinky

 **Assene Lupin:** i dont get privacy w/ morgana around

 **Inkling Kin:** is dat excuses i hear? 

**Assene Lupin:** look at that picture and tell me i dont look absolutely bonkin

 **Inkling Kin:** u look like that gurl in the coffin in that MCR music video

 **Assene Lupin:** so “beautiful mysterious and every girl’s emo dream”? 

**Inkling Kin:**...

 **Assene Lupin:** your silence is telling

 **Assene Lupin:** i knew we could agree

 **Inkling Kin:** :/

 **Inkling Kin:** no comment

 **Assene Lupin:** i rest my case

 **Cats- The Good One:** its ok Futaba, we all hate to admit the truth

 **Cats- The Good One** : but……………..

 **Assene Lupin:** on that note

 **Assene Lupin** changed their name to **No Tiddies Goth Husband**

 **No Tiddies Goth Husband:** thanks gremlin i love it

 **Inkling Kin:** i'm gonna need royalties

 **No Tiddies Goth Husband:** im your dicktator i do wut i want

 **Inkling Kin:** guys plz help overthrow the gov

 **Inkling Kin:** kira is the gov

 **No Tiddies Goth Husband:** don’t you dare

 **Cats- The Good One:** i got chu Futaba

 **No Tiddies Goth Husband:** *gasps*

 **Inking Kin:** thx, ily but not in a cuck kinda way

 **Inkling Kin:** i respect shiho 2 much

 **Cats- The Good One:** *smooch*

 **Lobster Lord:** Isn’t overthrowing corrupt governments what Phantom Thieves do?

 **No Tiddies Goth Husband:** yes but not this one

 **No Tiddes Goth Husband:** im special

 **Inkling Kin:** x to doubt

 **Cats- The Good One:** will chu join us, Yusuke

 **No Tiddies Goth Husband:** dont

 **Lobster Lord:** How ominous, I’m afraid of enduring our Dicktator's wrath.

 **Lobster Lord:** I’ll pass for now.

  
 **Inkling Kin:** you disappoint me bootlicker

 **Cats- The Good One:** hold up wrath Wdym

 **Lobster Lord:** I can feel the rage within his text. He’s planning something, no doubt. 

**Inkling Kin:** pppft wut’s the worse he could do

 **Cats- The Good One:** ill protecc u

 **No Tiddies Goth Husband** changed **Inkling Kin** to **Gremlin Traitor**

 **No Tiddies Goth Husband** changed **Cats- The Good One** to **Furry Fugitive**

 **No Tiddies Goth Husband** changed **Lobster Lord** to **Lobster Loyalist**

 **No Tiddies Goth Husband:** thx yusuke for your allegiance

 **Furry Fugitive:** WHAT im not a FURRY!!!!

 **Gremlin Traitor:** u culd have done worse

 **No Tiddies Goth Husband:** privilege check

 **Furry Fugitive:** AKIRAAAAAA, plz i hate this

 **Gremlin Traitor:** wait wait wait wait wiat

 **Gremlin Traitor:** MY MOD POWERS

 **Furry Fugitive:** i know youll just change it back if i do it

 **Gremlin Traitor:** noooooooooooooooooo

 **No Tiddies Goth Husband:** hitting where it hurts bby

 **Lobster Loyalist:** I don’t see why I was punished too. :(

 **No Tiddies Goth Husband:** just a sign of your obedience

 **Lobster Loyalist:** I don’t like it as much as my old name.

 **Gremlin Traitor:** i can’t even change it for youuuu

 **Lobster Loyalist:** Can I change it back?

 **Gremlin Traitor:** ye

 **No Tiddies Goth Husband:** naw

 **Lobster Loyalist:** This doesn’t help me in the slightest.

 **Furry Fugitive:** liking the cats musical doesn’t make me a furry. its not like im into any other furry stuff or anything. Disney don’t count cuz everybody likes them and their stuff is cute. And my metaverse outfit wasn’t my choice OK!

 **No Tiddies Goth Husband:** furry

 **Furry Fugitive:** STOPPPPPPP

 **Gremlin Traitor:** furry

 **Furry Fugitive:** I thought we were on the same team!?

 **Gremlin Traitor:** kek

 **Lobster Loyalist:** Can someone change my nickname for me? I’m afraid I can’t quite figure it out.

 **Shark Tale:** furry

 **Furry Fugitive:** RYUJI UR SO MEAN!!!!

 **Shark Tale:** bro you see your icon in the corner? tap dat shit and u can change it

 **Gremlin Traitor:** ur no fun

 **Shark Tale:** gotta help my bro bro

 **No Tiddies Goth Husband:** Are you opposing my reign, Ryuji Sakamoto?

 **Shark Tale:** oh shit oh fuck

 **Shark Tale:** joker just brought out full names and commas

 **Gremlin Traitor:** uh oh stinky

 **Shark Tale:** look i aint gonna step on ur toes man

 **Shark Tale:** just helping out another bro

 **No Tiddies Goth Husband:** where do ur loyalties lie?

 **Gremling Traitor:** ...

 **Lobster Loyalist:** I feel a great sense of dread emitting from this conversation.

 **Furry Fugitive:** ...

 **Lobster Loyalist:** Also, it seems that I am unable to find the option u mentioned.

 **Shark Tale:** u can’t bait me into taking sides again

 **Shark Tale:** look at the option third from the top

 **No Tiddies Goth Husband** : where do ur loyalties lie?

 **Furry Fugitive:** gah it's even scarier the second time

 **Shark Tale:** back offf dude

 **Gremling Traitor:** we need an adult

 **Lobster Loyalist:** _@Vroom Vroom_

 **No Tiddies Goth Husband:** where do ur loyalties lie?

 **Shark Tale:** …

 **Vroom Vroom:** Why am I considered an adult? I’m the same age as Haru and Goro.

 **Vroom Vroom:** And why is everyone’s names different?

 **Gremlin Traitor:** *blink blink*

 **Furry Traitor:** *blink blink*

 **Shark Tale:** *blink blink*

 **Lobster Loyalist:** Akira is, once again, abusing his powers and oppressing those who mock him. Ryuji is being threatened, I have tried to remain neutral, we require assistance.

 **Vroom Vroom:** Thank you. 

**No Tiddies Goth Husband:** Makoto.

 **Vroom Vroom:** Akira.

 **No Tiddies Goth Husband:** there r perks to being a loyalist…

 **Vroom Vroom:** Like a lap dog? Insulting. What do you take me for?

 **No Tiddes Goth Husband:** i take you for a strong powerful ally

 **Vroom Vroom:** Flattery? Where do you expect to take this conversation? 

**No Tiddies Goth Husband:** support my cause and I can guarantee a 69% chaos reduction

 **Vroom Vroom:** I’ve been against your power surge since the beginning and freedom is one of my main values. As a phantom thief I am disappointed in your desire for a police state over your own team. What makes you think I’ll toss my conviction aside for this?

 **No Tiddes Goth Husband:** and immunity from nickname changes

 **Vroom Vroom:** Sold.

 **Shark Tale:** WHAAATTT

 **Gremlin Traitor:** very OOC for queen

 **Gremlin Traitor:** seems susp

 **Shark Tale:** we re doomed we re fucked 

**Furry Fugitive:** i can’t believe we ve been betrayed by our leader AND second in command

 **Lobster Loyalist:** Despair fills my entire being. I fear the worst for this chat.

 **Lobster Loyalist** changed to **Lobster Lord**

 **Lobster Lord:** In other news, I figured it out. Thank you, Ryuji.

 **Shark Tale:** good job

 **Vroom Vroom:** Look guys, I have other things to do other than taking Akira off his iron throne. 

**Vroom Vroom:** I don’t want to get involved, good luck.

 **Furry Fugitive:** no wait, Queen plz!!!!!!

 **Vroom Vroom:** Can you guys wrap this up by tomorrow? Thanks. Bye.

 **Gremlin Traitor:** we’re down a unit

 **Shark Tale:** bros im scared 

**Lobster Lord:** This newfound unbridled power is worrying. I fear the worst.

 **No Tiddies Goth Husband:** as you should be

 **Furry Fugitive:** i miss the old Akira

 **No Tiddes Goth Husband:** improve your aim then

 **Shark Tale:** ughhhhh, dat ain’t even funny

 **Lobster Lord** : It's a shame our leader has lost his morals and his sense of humor.

 **Gremlin Traitor:** thats terrible i hate it here

 **No Tiddies Goth Husband:** and it’s about to get alot worse 

**Furry Fugitive:** ughhhhh

 **Shark Tale:** oh shit

 **Gremlin Traitor:** this is why we should overthrow the gov

 **Gremlin Traitor:** thx 4 coming 3 my tedtalk

 **Lobster Lord:** Should I assume the worse? 

**Gremlin Traitor:** yes Inari

 **Lobster Lord:** I already have

 **No Tiddies Goth Husband:** :)

Akira giggled as he stared at his screen, a world of possibilities in the palm of his hand that he’d drag his friends down into. His single functional brain cell kicked into overdrive as the deep library of memes reintroduced themselves to his active vocabulary. Finally, his vast knowledge that he’d built up over his mortal lifespan had found it’s time to shine in this one moment. Morgana jumped onto his workbench by the couch he was on, squinting at the tiny text on the screen. “What are you laughing about? It better not be about me”

“Nope.”

“Is it one of those funny videos that repeats?”

“No cigar.”

“Hmmph, then what’s so funny?”

Akira stopped typing and looked up into Morgana’s sky blue eyes and blurted, “Pantom Party Possy.”

“What?”

**@LaMperatrice**

**Saturday at 7:42 pm**

**LaJustice:** I know this is late but

 **LaJustice:** I regret to inform you that I lied about the suit

 **LaJustice:** Granted it wasn’t intentional

 **LaJustice:** So cut me some slack

 **LaMperatrice:** what’s the next time you’re available?

 **LaJustice:** Trying to find the time to put me down?

 **LaMperatrice:** don’t be dramatic

 **LaMperatrice:** you still have a wedding to attend

 **LaJustice:** You don’t have to hide your rage

 **LaJustice:** I’m painfully aware of my fate the next time we meet

 **LaMperatrice:** i’m not mad

 **LaJustice:** Don’t finish that

 **LaMperatrice:** just a bit disappointed

 **LaJustice:** Hhhggg

 **LaMperatrice:** ?

 **LaJustice:** Fuck

 **LaJustice:** That hurt more than anything that’s happened in the past year

 **LaMperatrice:** even getting shot by your double?

 **LaJustice:** Much much worse

 **LaMperatrice:** don’t fret

 **LaMperatrice:** we can go shopping for the perfect outfit as soon as you’re available

 **LaMperatrice:** then you can rectify your mistake

 **LaJustice:** You drive a hard bargain

 **LaJustice:** By which i mean i don’t have a choice do I

 **LaMperatrice:** nope :)

 **LaJustice:** Never with you at least

 **LaJustice:** How does Monday night at 5 sound?

 **LaMperatrice:** perfect, works for me

 **LaMperatrice:** where shall we meet?

 **LaJustice:** By the station closest to your place

 **LaJustice:** We can start our search from there

 **LaMperatrice:** oh we should invite the others too

 **LaJustice:** That's unnecessary

 **LaJustice:** We’re just trying out clothes which is quite frankly extremely mundane

 **LaMperatrice:** wouldn’t it be more fun with friends?

 **LaJustice:** It's a shame i have none

 **LaMperatrice:** >:(

 **LaJustice:** Just a joke

 **LaMperatrice:** don’t say such sad things

 **LaJustice:** Am I not allowed to humor myself?

 **LaMperatrice:** they say that the more you say something the more you believe it

 **LaMperatrice:** and you, Goro Akechi, have said it far too often

 **LaJustice:** So?

 **LaMperatrice:** ...

 **LaMperatrice:** oh goodness you poor poor fool

 **LaJustice:** Did you just call me a fool?

 **LaMperatrice:** go invite YOUR friends to come shopping with us later

 **LaMperatrice:** its more fun that way

 **LaJustice:** I can tell you’re in no mood to argue so I’ll comply

 **LaJustice:** See you then, your majesty

 **LaMperatrice:** the same to you, prince

**Phantom Party Possy**

**Saturday at 7:50 pm**

**Unwilling Accomplice:** I

 **No Tiddies Goth Husband:** hey honey

 **Furry Fugitive:** HELP PLZ!!!!!!!!

 **Lobster Lord:** The new name doesn't even have proper alliteration!

 **Lobster Lord:** How uncouth.

 **Gremlin Traitor:** shut up Inari

 **No Tiddies Goth Husband:** hey r u a prep or a goth?

 **Unwilling Accomplice:** What?

 **Shark Tale:** escape while u can bro

 **Furry Fugitive:** actually that's a good question Akira

 **Gremlin Traitor:** omg Crow has mod powers

 **Shark Tale:** for real?!?!

 **Lobster Lord:** Our savior in the dark

 **Unwilling Accomplice:** Everybody shut up for a minute

 **Unwilling Accomplice:** Why is everything different?

 **Shark Tale:** Akira

 **Unwilling Accomplice:** Why do I have moderator abilities and Futaba doesn’t?

 **Gremlin Traitor:** Akira

 **Unwilling Accomplice:** And the the fuck is Akira talking about?

 **Furry Fugitive:** Akira

 **No Tiddies Goth Husband:** u were a total prep when we first met but definitely goth at heart

 **No Tiddies Goth Husband:** but i can’t deny the facts laid in front of me

 **Unwilling Accomplice:** Explain yourself

 **No Tiddies Goth Husband:** if we go with the narrative foils theme then I guess this works

 **No Tiddies Goth Husband** changed **Unwilling Accomplice** to **All Ass Prep Husband**

 **No Tiddies Goth Husband** : see its symbolic too

 **All Ass Prep Husband:** Fuck this fuck you fuck all this tom fuckery

 **Shark Tale:** broooooooo the thirst is showing

 **Gremlin Traitor:** hkvrwodopjwsojd

 **Furry Fugitive:** omgeeeeeee

 **Lobster Lord:** Although I understand the naming convention, does it have to be so crass?

 **All Ass Prep Husband** changed to **Aspiring Widow**

 **No Tiddies Goth Husband:** oof

 **No Tiddies Goth Husband:** dis wouldn’t be the first time u wanted me dead

 **Aspiring Widow:** and it won’t be the last

 **No Tiddies Goth Husband:** and it won’t be the last

 **Gremlin Traitor:** oh shit same time text

 **No Tiddes Goth Husband:** that shows dat we’re soulmates

 **Aspiring Widow:** Im going to strangle you

 **No Tiddes Goth Husband:** rude

 **Aspiring Widow:** Slowly

 **No Tiddies Goth Husband:** ruder

 **Furry Fugitive:** we stan go crow boy go

 **No Tiddies Goth Husband:** rudiest

 **Gremlin Traitor:** ill record it

 **No Tiddies Goth Husband:** ya’ll chill

 **Gremlin Traitor** : :unoreversecard:

 **Gremlin Traitor:** gimme my mod powers back

 **No Tiddies Goth Husband:** no

 **Gremlin Traitor:** >:(

 **Shark Tale:** y dont u just use ur hacking powers?

 **Gremlin Traitor:** 2 much work

 **Shark Tale:** wat!!!!!

 **Gremlin Traitor:** hacking means i gotta put down my switch

 **Gremlin Traitor:** m in the middle of a game 

**Lobster Lord:** Now we know where your loyalties lie.

 **Furry Traitor:** Goroooooooo plz help!!!!!

 **Aspiring Widow:** How did you let this happen?

 **Gremlin Traitor:** it all started when Joker got on his high horse

 **Aspiring Widow:** I thought this chat couldn’t disappoint me any further

 **Aspiring Widow:** And yet here we are

 **No Tiddies Goth Husband:** who me?

 **Gremlin Traitor:** proly

 **Aspiring Widow:** All of you 

**No Tiddies Goth Husband** : D: y me tho?

 **Aspiring Widow:** You’ve become a corrupt leader

 **No Tiddies Goth Husband:** proof?

 **Aspiring Widow:** Have you seen the state of this chatroom?

 **No Tiddies Goth Husband:** yeah its great

 **Gremlin Traitor:** x

 **Furry Traitor:** :eyeroll:

 **Shark Tale:** bro u know dat aint tru

 **Lobster Lord:** I second that notion.

 **No Tiddes Goth Husband:** guys come on its not that bad

 **Aspiring Widow:** Don’t lie to yourself

 **No Tiddes Goth Husband:** .....

 **Aspiring Widow:** Akira, you’ve become what you’ve hated

 **Aspiring Widow:** A corrupt government

 **No Tiddes Goth Husband:** oh fuck

 **Gremlin Traitor:** iid say im shocked but im not

 **Gremlin Traitor:** i knew dis all along but Joker’s selectively deaf

 **Furry Fugitive** : but now his future husband is saying it so its starting to hit him

 **Shark Tale:** so his best bro begging him to stop does nothin

 **Shark Tale:** but his rival does?

 **Lobster Lord:** Yes.

 **Shark Tale:** bruh

 **Gremlin Traitor** : bruh moment

 **No Tiddes Goth Husband:** tbh this whole dicktator thing was a joke at first

 **No Tiddes Goth Husband:** but now that my hubby connected the dots

 **Aspiring Widow:** not married

 **Furry Fugitive:** yet

 **Gremlin Traitor:** yeet

 **No Tiddes Goth Husband:** ive had an on-brand Change of Heart™

 **Lobster Lord:** Finally, what a relief. I had my doubts that our leader would ever come to his senses.

 **Gremlin Traitor:** when we snatching dat treasure bois?

 **Shark Tale:** when we send the callin card 

**No Tiddes Goth Husband:** no need fellow youth i relinquish the throne

 **No Tiddes Goth Husband:** goro do the honors

 **Aspiring Widow:** With pleasure

 **Aspiring Widow:** “Case closed, this is where your justice ends.”

 **No Tiddes Goth Husband:** sayonara, dicktatorship

 **Aspiring Widow:** -Phoenix Ranger Featherman R Season 7, Episode 24

 **Gremlin Traitor:** wait

 **Shark Tale:** bro im i reading that correctly? 

**Aspiring Widow:** Futaba, enjoy your privileges again

 **Aspiring Widow:** Akira, go into time out

 **No Tiddes Goth Husband:** yes honey

 **Gremlin Traitor:** shaddup for a minute nerd

 **Furry Traitor:** bad dicktators go into the corner of shame

 **Lobster Lord:** This implies the existence of good dicktators which I highly doubt.

 **Aspiring Widow:** Ryuji, are you illiterate? I wouldn’t be surprised

 **Shark Tale:** shaddup

 **Gremlin Traitor:** did Goro Akechi, second coming of the detective prince, correctly quote and cite featherman off the top of his head?

 **Aspiring Widow:** Apparently illiteracy runs rampant in this chat

 **Aspiring Widow:** Also yes

 **Gremlin Traitor:** boi

 **Gremlin Traitor:** u me randevu akihabara asap

 **Aspiring Widow:** Actually I was going to offer a joint shopping trip to the group chat this Monday

 **Furry Fugitive:** oh sounds fun

 **Aspiring Widow:** On Haru’s behalf of course

 **Furry Fugitive:** but i gotta a shoot to attend

 **Gremlin Traitor:** im down to clown

 **Gremlin Traitor:** but we still need to visit akihabara at some point closet fanboy

 **Aspiring Widow:** Very well

 **Aspiring Widow:** The offer still stands for the others

 **Lobster Lord:** Since I missed out last time it seems only fitting that I join this one.

 **Gremlin Traitor:** good inari

 **Shark Tale:** man i cant

 **Shark Tale:** promised my mom id help her get groceries n shit

 **Shark Tale:** my b

 **Aspiring Widow:** Respectable, you are pardoned.

 **Shark Tale:** bro dont go actin all high n mighty n shit

 **Furry Fugitive:** wait does Goro still have mod privileges?

 **Lobster Lord:** This doesn’t sit well.

 **No Tiddes Goth Husband:** dicktator part 2

 **Gremlin Traitor:** get back into the corner

 **No Tiddes Goth Husband:** u cant control me

 **Aspiring Widow:** Silence fool

 **Gremlin Traitor:** mute hammer

 **Furry Fugitive:** oof

 **Shark Tale:** if you pull another dick move i swear to god

 **Lobster Lord:** Correction: “dicktator”

 **Furry Fugitive:** h

 **Aspiring Widow:** If it makes you feel better then take away my powers

 **Aspiring Widow:** Trust me I have no intention on usurping this chat

 **Gremlin Traitor:** i wouldnt let u anyways

 **Gremlin Traitor:** imma start setting up troubleshoots to prevent an akira part 2

 **Shark Tale:** but how do we kno u wont pull a move like that?!?

 **Lobster Lord:** That is a good point. How can we trust you?

 **Gremlin Traitor:** trust me and my trustable face

 **Lobster Lord:** X.

 **Lobster Lord:** Did I do that right?

 **Shark Tale:** ur doin great sweetie

 **Gremlin Lord:** hes evolving as we speak

 **Furry Fugitive:** never thought id see the day that id see ryuji say “sweetie”

 **Shark Tale:** man i just want to be supportive n shit back off

 **Lobster Lord:** I appreciate it very much. Thank you.

 **Furry Fugitive:** sorry i didnt mean to tease

 **Shark Lord:** :thumbsup:

 **Furry Fugitive:** its actually pretty cute 

**Aspiring Widow:** I’ll let the exiled speak again and see what happens

 **Shark Tale:** ok Furry

 **No Tiddes Goth Husband:** bro u never call me sweetie

 **Furry Fugitive:** i take back everything i said i hate u

 **Shark Tale:** didnt see an opening 

**Shark Tale:** plus now ur a married man and i dont want to cross lines

 **Aspiring Widow:** We aren’t married so go ahead

 **No Tiddes Goth Husband:** yet

 **Furry Fugitive** changed to **Shiho’s Biggest Fan**

 **Shiho’s Biggest Fan:** reminder that i love my girlfriend

 **Gremlin Traitor:** message received

 **No Tiddes Goth Husband:** i assumed that she’s gonna be ur plus one but i wanna make sure

 **Shiho’s Biggest Fan:** how dare u assume otherwise

 **No Tiddes Goth Husband:** just checking

 **Shiho’s Biggest Fan:** i looooove her 

**Shiho’s Biggest Fan:** im gonna snatch that bouquet out of ur hands

 **No Tiddes Goth Husband:** bold of u to assume im tossing em

 **Aspiring Widow:** Should have told me this beforehand

 **No Tiddes Goth Husband:** we’re still in planning stages

 **Shark Tale:** ann aint even considering ME and my SICK ups

 **Lobster Lord:** The competition is fierce it seems.

 **Shiho’s Biggest Fan:** noooooooo

 **Shiho’s Biggest Fan:** i cant wait for u to get a date to get married

 **Shiho’s Biggest Fan:** that’ll take FOREVER

 **Shark Tale:** BRO WHAT R U SAYING

 **Aspiring Widow:** I can’t wait to cause some chaos

 **Aspiring Widow:** In fact i guess i can start practicing right now

 **Aspiring Widow:** [forakira.png](https://twitter.com/Ninjagirlrocke1/status/1287589245113180160)

 **No Tiddes Goth Husband:** awww thx babe ur so thoughtful

 **Gremlin Traitor:** asdfghjkl;

 **Shark Tale:** UHHHH did u read the caption

 **Shark Tale:** thats a no from me dawg

 **Shiho’s Biggest Fan:** i cant tell if this is romantic or scarey

 **Lobster Lord:** Why not both? Flowers can have many meanings.

 **Aspiring Widow** : Only yusuke understands my deep artistic intentions

 **Aspiring Widow:** Which i hope the few of you who can read can pick up

 **No Tiddes Goth Husband:** illy too!

 **Aspiring Widow:** This makes the illiterate count to three

**Author's Note:**

> Btw, the .png links actually work so give them a little click. :3


End file.
